I don’t get out of bed for less than $10,000
I was going to apply for a job today (or possibly a grant, though there don’t seem to be many ‘wanted: unschooled dilettante to make weird shit’ grants out there), but then I got distracted by thinking about an idea for a performance art piece I had a while ago, based on the misquote attributed to supermodel Linda Evangelista, “I don’t get out of bed for less than $10,000.” The idea behind this performance is simple: I install a bed in a gallery or other performance-friendly public space, and stay in it until somebody gives me $10,000 dollars (or I am struck by lightning, whichever comes first).
Here’s Linda Evangelista; Wikipedia reports that she dated Kyle MacLachlan and plays the accordian, which is much more awesomeness than I’d given her credit for:
I’d really like to do this piece, not only because it involves me doing nothing for money, but also because I think it touches on a lot of wonderful concepts, including:
1. The current employment crisis, which is teaching a lot of people in my generation (and particularly arty types) that their time is worth nothing whatsoever,
2. The obesity epidemic, which prevents a lot of Americans from getting out of bed at all, for any reason, and also dovetails nicely with the body-image/supermodel/physical inertia thing,
3. Artist as fancy whore of public! Ka-ching$$$!
4. Bed-performance-art-history! Hooray!
I’m not crazy about John and Yoko, particularly, but the idea of ‘doing something’ and making unrealistic demands of the larger world while effectively doing nothing and staying ‘in’ is kind of neat. Inviting voyeurism and ‘shocking sense of entitlement and self-indulgence based on celebrity’ are also good tie-ins. Lots of 60’s and 70’s performances responded to that one, I’m sure somebody’s done something more or less like what I’m talking about, but I think the fame/money/body element might be new-ish.
I think it’d also be kinda like Tracy Emin’s My Bed; except not indexical because actually full of real artist. 
Incidentally, the Saatchi Gallery bought this piece for around 10,000 pounds; I think ten k is the magic number for this project.
There is also a piece, This is Bobby, by Chu Yun, one of those young Chinese artists that the art world is so crazy about nowadays, at the New Museum in New York, who is paying women (mostly mega-babes, from the articles I read) $10 an hour to be drugged and sleep in the museum (through June 28th!):
Sort of looks like she’s sleeping on a giant iBook, no? If it’s not sponsored by Apple, the artist is missing out on some serious money-making opportunities. Those girls, however, are DEFINITELY underpaid.
I would also enjoy building a big live-in bed with mini-fridge, bookshelf, desk/worktable, etc. Assuming, of course, that I wouldn’t immediately be absolutely mobbed with cash by people trying to pay me to stop performing. One can never rule out such things. I think I would spend at least an hour of each day counting and recounting the money I am given (or just rolling around in it), and several more arguing with the people who come by about why they should give me money to do this. Maybe sewing dollar bills into a quilt for myself? These are fairly similar to activities that are a regular part of my real life as an aspiring artist.
(The word “aspiring” is awful, isn’t it? expiring aspirin, widening gyre… nope, don’t like it)
I guess I’ve been thinking a lot about beds lately… I recently also finished a very labor-intensive painting on my bedframe that took about a year and a half from conception to completion, largely due to laziness; I will add a picture of it to this post if I can figure out how on earth to upload my own photos to Tumblr. Nap first, though…
